Didn’t send my three year old, Ellie, to preschool because I just couldn’t get out of bed to get her ready.
Gave her three time outs, resulting in a loss of privilege for the day.
Forced her to leave a library activity early because her behavior was off the chain.
Fought with her about eating her eggs at both breakfast and lunch because I’m such a bitch that when she didn’t eat them in the morning, I saved them for later.
Snuck a cookie when she wasn’t looking.
Somehow lost the ability to put the baby to sleep, resulting in all kind of screams and wails and fits.
Yelled at a parenting book because the author wasn’t getting to the point fast enough. I don’t give a hoot about “Janice”, “James” or “Oliver” and how they have to be rocked and cuddled and fed to go to sleep! My kid is screaming! Tell me what to dooooo!
Texted my husband at work telling him he could run away with the kids without penalty.
Blinked at my daughter about 10 times after she asked me to play with her, wondering how I could say “hell no” without seeming like I didn’t want to play with her.
And in the midst of this disaster of a day, Ellie turns to me and says, “Mommy, you’re a good mommy.”
She must be Kellyanne Conway’s daughter, because whatever led her to that conclusion was based on some seriously alternative facts.
Kellyanne Conway, Counselor to the President, who coined the term ‘alternative facts’